Dance Like No One Else Is Watching

My brother-in-law 

opened the bottom drawer 

of my sister's bureau, 
lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. 
"This," he said, "is not a slip. 
This is lingerie." 
He discarded the tissue 

and handed me the slip.
It was exquisite; silk, handmade 

and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. 
The price tag with an astronomical figure 

was still attached.
"Jan bought this the first time 

we went to New York, 

at least 8 or 9 years ago. 
She never wore it. 
She was saving it for a special occasion. 
Well, I guess this is the occasion."
He took the slip from me 
and put it on the bed 

with the other clothes we were taking 

to the mortician. 
His hands lingered 

on the soft material for a moment, 
Then he slammed the drawer shut 

and turned to me.
"Don't ever save anything 

for a special occasion. 
Every day you're alive 

is a special occasion."
I remembered those words 

through the funeral 

and the days that followed
When I helped him and my niece 

attend to all the sad chores 

that follow an unexpected death. 
I thought about them on the plane 

returning to California
From the Midwestern town 

where my sister's family lives.
I thought about all the things 

that she hadn't seen or heard or done.
I thought about the things 

that she had done 

without realizing that they were special.
I'm still thinking about his words, 

and they've changed my life. 
I'm reading more and dusting less. 
I'm sitting on the deck 

and admiring the view 

without fussing 

about the weeds in the garden. 
I'm spending more time 

with my family and friends 
And less time in committee meetings.
Whenever possible, 
Life should be a pattern 

of new experiences to savor, 

not endure. 
I'm trying to recognize these moments now 

and cherish them. 
I'm not "saving" anything; 
We use our good china and crystal 

for every special event

such as losing a pound,
getting the sink unstopped, 

the first camellia blossom. 
I wear my good blazer to the market if I like it. 
My theory is if I look prosperous, 
I can shell out $28.49 

for one small bag of groceries 

without wincking. 
I'm not saving my good perfume 

for special parties; 
Clerks in hardware stores 

and tellers in banks have noses 
That function as well as my party-going friends.
"Someday" and "one of these days" 

are losing their grip on my vocabulary. 
If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, 
I want to see and hear and do it now.
I'm not sure what my sister would've done

 had she known that she wouldn't be here 

for the tomorrow we all take for granted. 

I think she would have called family members 

and a few close friends. 

She might have called a few former friends 

to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles.
I like to think she would have gone out 

for a Chinese dinner, 

her favorite food. 

I'm guessing - I'll never know now.
It's those little things left undone 

that would make me angry
If I knew that my hours were limited. 
Angry because I put off seeing good friends 

whom I was going to get in touch with 
and certain letters that I intended to write

 one of these days. 
Angry and sorry that 

I didn't tell my husband often enough 

how much I truly love him. 
I'm trying very hard 

not to put off, hold back, 
Or save anything that would add laughter 

and luster to our lives. 
And every morning when I open my eyes, 

I tell myself that it is special. 
Every day, every minute, 

every breath truly is a gift from God.
You've got to dance like nobody's watching, 

and love like you've never been hurt....
"People say true friends 

must always hold hands,
But they don't have to, 

because they know the other hand 

will always be there."

Author Unknown

Read by Jimmy Paul at 30 year class reunion